You Know You're In China When...
Wearing a surgical mask outside is perfectly normal
You go to buckle your seatbelt and there is a seatbelt clip in it already Newly Wed strangers come up to you and try to communicate say "Congratulations" through broken English The beer is worse than PBR Almost every meals salt content is 5 days worth of necessary salt You are met at the front door with slippers Two cars and one bus play a game of chicken by all trying to merge into the same lane Little babies have split pants so they can pee anywhere The elevator doors won't open and people are kicking it to open them Chicken sounds meet you every morning, the sounds of death on the rise All your office mates wave when they walk past your computer when you are on Skype A person getting sideswiped by a car is not unusual It takes at least 15 minutes to get an elevator Military time is what is used by everyone Public buses and police create most of the traffic problems Stewardesses walk down the aisles while you are landing |
Road rules don't exist
Walking across the street is an intense game of Frogger Pizza Hut is a fancy restaurant High-High-High heels are a staple in every Chinese women's outfit Kareoke bars are THE happening place Cars drive in the oncoming lane to get to the front of the light Walking on the street multiple awful smells hit you all at once Chopsticks range from cheap to extremely expensive The taxi drivers don't give change less than 4 Quai Every westerner is extremely welcoming and social to other Westerners People put themselves in danger to gawk at others The news REALLY IS just background noise The roads have what appears to be drains but the water does not go down them... Every salon is open until at least 2300 Chinese people should be stereotyped as the Rude Chinese instead of Westerners You are paranoid about getting peed on by a kid |
Animal body parts are proudly displayed on the serving plate
Rice is served at every meal A grey sky means a heavy pollution day Tea is not merely a drink, but a type of art Most cell phone rings are American pop songs Drivers don't get extremely mad because everyone drives the same, crazy Most American websites won't open People stand in line for Peking duck (YUCK) The Police are part of the traffic jam problem Nothing is ever on time, yet no one has patience while driving Hesitation sits in every time a "green tea" food is given to you Every driver straddles the lanes, pick one already people You are shocked when you hear an English speaker on the news Streets flood every time it rains You go to use your fork/knife and can not remember how to use it/not sure if you are holding it right You see the 50 people all pushing through the same double door People smoke on airplanes |
You Know You're A Westerner In China When...
You are paranoid you are being watched... Because you are
You assume every white person speaks English You get excited to see another white person and are tempted to start talking to them You call McDonalds Soft Serve "3 Quai Ice Cream" Every other picture in your camera is of a Chinese baby The main form of communication is done through Charades and facial expressions It takes 3 times longer to get a cab sometimes Cabby's pull up in front of you, instead of a Chinese person other times Each Westerner you meet is your new best friend You get used to cold showers because it is so hot Every chinese family wants you to speak english with their child Your apartment complex security guards say Nihao to you until you say it back You jump up and down because you are excited after almost 3 months in China that you finally got a good haggled deal |
Cars stop for you when you walk out in front of them
The first thing wait staff bring you is silverware One of your goals is to try every weird Oreo flavor You assume everything is going be cheaper Your summer wardrobe consists of 4 more outfits than your Chinese coworkers Your life flashes before your eyes at least once a car ride Every Chinese dish you like is not in the least good for you You are desperately searching for an American food restaurant for the Fourth of July You finally found something you will eat, then you eat it all the time Taxi drivers try to impress you with their very limited English vocabulary You feel as if a chinese family is trying to set you up with their child People take pictures of you doing the evening dance exercise with tons of older ladies You would rather drink PBR than Chinese Snow Beer |
You are the only one sweating in a room of people
American products start tasting better than they do in the States You wish there was a Sams Club or Costco to buy hand-wipes and tissues in bulk Every morning you hesitate before running tap water over your toothbrush You obtain celebrity status because of your skin color and hair You have yourself convinced that the not so clean shower water will help your skin You walk past the American consulate on the Fourth of July and start taking pictures of the flag and singing American songs You feel you need pictures of random streets and people You need a business card or written Chinese character paper for each taxi ride One of the reasons you go to Subway is because they have ice You eventually just start stabbing food with your chopstick because you refuse to attempt to pick it up one more time with your chopsticks Chinese people give you looks when you accidentally bump into them |